Gor working on his thailandlife.com website in April 2001 

You are about to read the first of ten harrowing interviews with a fifteen year old Thai drug addict. What makes this account so fascinating is that the whole story was played out live on the internet. Thousands of people from around the world visited his web site between May and November 2001. This first interview was meant to be a one-off to show the situation of drugs in a Thai school. At that time, young Gor had only just started experimenting with drugs and he was determined that he would never become a drug addict. What happened next took everyone by surprise and brought tears to the eyes of many of his regular visitors.

Experimenting with Drugs

• "I am not going to take drugs. I think because I saw the news and I could see people getting crazy about taking drugs."   
• "I wanted to be part of the group but I still said no to drugs. If they try to give drugs to me that means they are not a good friend because drugs are not a good thing."   
• "You can get drugs easily. Just tell someone who takes drugs and they will get it for you."
• "I am just doing it now because I want to be bad. I have already promised my parents and friends that [next month] I will stop smoking and everything."    
• "I am in control."

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Addicted to Drugs    

• "I first started it just for fun. My friends were doing it at my house so I wanted to try too. But, then I quickly became addicted."
• "I am not in control. The drugs control me. I can't stop."
• "When you see it in front of you, face to face with it often, I can't stop myself I can't do it. I tried to stop myself but I couldn't."
• "I don't want my parents to know that I have been doing it."    
• "I am sure that if [my father] got angry with me I would take drugs more and more and more and I wouldn't stop.
  
• "I slept all day in the classroom. I didn't learn properly for the last two weeks. Then after school I took drugs."
  
• "I will stop taking drugs. If I go around thinking I can't do it then I won't be able to do it. I think I can, so I will do it."

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My Struggle to Quit Drugs

• "My two friends were talking about it and I couldn't stop myself."
• "If someone is taking drugs in front of me or if I go into the toilets at school and I can smell the drugs I am tempted. It makes me want to take it."
• "It was exciting because I was doing something I was not allowed to do. I was with my friends, sharing something with them which made me happy."
• "What I can do is be strong. That is the only thing I can do. And, I will try and think about my parents, my work and my future."
• "I agree with what I see on the adverts and think drugs are bad. But, when I am with friends and in that mood everything changes. We forget everything. I just concentrate on my friends."     *
• "The teachers just say that drugs are bad but they don't say in what way. They just say it is bad don't try it."
• "I can't stop being with my friends."

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Starting was the Easy Part

• "I was really tired and I needed the pills to keep me awake at school."
• "Give me more time. Trust me. You promised me remember? You said that you would always be there for me if I asked. You can't quit. I am asking for help now."
• "They then started to take one pill each. I didn't ask for any. I just sat down there and started to read my Harry Potter book. Inside me I felt like I really wanted it, but I stopped myself. I kept on reading."
  
• "It was there in front of me and the silver foil too. So, I started to smoke it. After I inhaled it for the third time I got angry with myself and stopped myself from taking any more."
• "It was very difficult for me to only take a little and then stop before I had finished."
• "My mum gave me an amulet to protect me and to remind myself to quit taking drugs. She said to me to be strong."

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Experimenting with Marijuana

• "They had some marijuana and they asked me to take it. I said I don't mind so we started to prepare the plastic bottle."
• "I am not taking it that often!"
• "I can't control myself."
  
• "Myself I think marijuana is worse because it made me do something that I can't remember. That is scary. Marijuana is a bad drug."
  
• "With amphetamine I was more in control of my mind. With marijuana I lost control. I might have done something very stupid."
  
• "I think I have gone forward because I am now stronger. I know how bad it is and how scary it can be. It has made be stronger to stop drugs."

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A Brush with the Law

• "I am clean. [The last time I took drugs was] on my 16th birthday, about 4 weeks ago.
• "I won't go to places where people are buying or selling drugs any more."
• "I learned my lesson."
• "First my mum said she wouldn't come [to the police station]. She said she wanted me to go to drug rehab. That really upset me because I had stopped drugs now for nearly 4 weeks."

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Sent to Drug Rehab

• "We had a small party and there were drugs there too. All of my friends did it. They took amphetamine. I alone didn't take any because I had quit it. But, in the end I took some because everyone else was doing it."
• "I thought I could just take one and then quit it. But, I was wrong. Once I started I couldn't stop."
• "We were sharing but I think myself I used 10 pills those two days."
  
• "We can do anything we like [at the drug rehab]."
• "No-one is going to try and run away."    
• "The worst thing here is the medicine they make you take."
  
• "The only other bad thing is when we run out of money as we won't have anything to do. It is sometimes boring when there is nothing to do."

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Why I ran away from Drug Rehab

• "If I stay there it is easier for me to get drugs."
• "I am just staying at home, eating and sleeping."
• "Sometimes I am alone and sometimes my friends come and visit."
• "They are not allowed to take drugs in front of me.

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Withdrawal Symptoms and Depression

• "My uncle said that he wanted me to go to Chulalongkorn Hospital for drug therapy."
• "I went there twice a week. It was interesting because I learned some things."
• "Later, my uncle found a place called Tanyalak in Rangsit which is a famous drug rehab. He wanted me to go there."
  
• "It was boring. Very boring. There was nothing to do. Nothing interesting."
  
• "I don't know. I am confused. I can't think about anything. I don't know what I am going to do next"
  
• "If I don't die before or take more drugs."
  
• "I don't want to do this [interview] any more."

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Reflection on what happened   

• "I feel better. I don't need drugs anymore."
• "Now I have quit school. This year I am not going to learn."
• "Even two months after I stopped I couldn't concentrate or make simple decisions about my life."
• "The best way [to quit] is not to go out and hang around with your friends who are still taking drugs."
  
• "I am really sorry that I didn't listen to my parents before."
  
• "I shouldn't have tried it. Even one time. Just that one time changed everything."
  
• "I used to be in the top class. My grades were always 3.5 and higher. But, after I started taking drugs, I missed school a lot and got into trouble with the police."
  
• "Drugs are fun to start with. But soon you will be down in hell."
  
• "It is important to understand that you won't know you are down there."
  
• "If [my parents] had given up on me I don't know where I would be today. "